


In The Shadow Of Your Heart

by OurDeal



Series: I Open My Eyes and I See That It's You [1]
Category: National Football League RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Minor Injuries, Mpreg, Non-Graphic Child Birth, OOC, One-Sided Relationship, Post Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-01 14:51:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15145526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OurDeal/pseuds/OurDeal
Summary: Jimmy gets traded to the 49's from the Patriots. Before he is traded, Tom breaks off their casual relationship because they both developed feelings. What Jimmy doesn't know is that he took something with him. (Pretty Much, the whole story is under Jimmy's POV)Story title comes from 'Cosmic Love' by Florence & The Machine**Everything is fiction in this story**^^No footballs were hurt in the making of this story^^%Series Title Comes From 'Swimming' by Florence & The Machine





	1. …You’ve Always Been My North Star

**Author's Note:**

> This has been a few days (more like almost a week) in the making. I thought it was going to be a super long one-shot, but I was wrong. It has now become a chapter work.  
> Chapter Title comes from 'Patricia' by Florence + The Machine.

            Everything was fine—one minute he was practicing his passes and the next, he is on the ground, and his back is exploding with pain. The air in his lungs has been compressed right out of him with the pain, and as he rolled himself over onto his back, his brain trying to make him think that it will take some of the pain— _WRONG! WAY WRONG!_ Trying his best to breathe through the pain, deep breaths expanding and deflating his diaphragm and his rib cage. He doesn’t want his teammates to worry about him—let alone freak out because their QB is injured and it’s only the end of camp. His body feels as if he’s weightless, yet the pain in his back is just holding him down to the earth. His teammates are over him, looking at him—some with worry, others with sadness. At this point, his eyes can no longer hold back the tears and he just feels them make their way down his face.

            “Jimmy? Jimmy! Are you ok? SOMEONE GET THE COACH!” The pain becomes too much, and his stomach is doing flips, and it feels like everything he had consumed wants out of his body. Rolling himself over to his side, he just feels everything leave his body at once. A cold sweat breaks out all over his body, and he can’t tell if it’s because it is hot or if it is because of the pain in his back. Feeling tired, he tries to fight back sleep but Jimmy is too weak. There is someone shaking him a few seconds later, and even though he can’t hear them, he can tell that they are trying really hard to keep him awake. _Let me sleep, I am tired._ His eyes begin to close again, the pain in his back becoming a dull throb.

            _“Jimmy, where did you go? I’ve been looking everywhere for you! We have to go out to the field now.” Tom’s bright eyes are calling to him, and for a moment, he wants to follow him to the field...or even into the abyss, if it means that he gets to be with him. His hand ends up holding Tom’s, and a chill goes right through him. His heart is beating out of tune with the rest of the field. The cheering from the fans is drowning out the pain in his heart, which makes him want to kneel and cry. Making himself a statue as the anthem is played, he still feels Tom’s body heat radiating right next to him._

_“I hope you’re ready to see how an actual ass-kicking is given, Jimmy.” Tom winks at him before walking onto the field for the coin toss. His brain goes into overdrive, and his heart beats faster in his chest—as if it just wants to break out of his ribs. For some reason, he knows what is going to happen next—a move that no one saw coming, but happened nonetheless. Getting traded to another team—on the other side of the country no less, thus putting him far away from the one man who truly ever held Jimmy’s heart in his hands. Taking him away from the only two guys who truly understood the turmoil he is going through because they went through it too._

_“It’s going to be okay, Jimmy. I can promise you that. It’s going to be tough at first. You’re used to seeing Tom, Jules, Rob, and himself every day. I also know that it’s hard making new friends on a new team. Just always be yourself and never change for anyone.” Danny’s arm wraps around his shoulder, and luckily, he is wearing his helmet—so that the cameras can’t capture the tears that are rolling down his face. He stands there, watching the game happen, but all he can focus on is Tom, tossing the ball, it is going in a perfect spiral into the awaiting hands of Julian—and Jimmy feels a sour note of jealousy trying to bloom in his chest._

_He is wishing and hoping that one day Tom would see him more than just his ‘mentee with benefits’. There are so many things that he wishes he could say to him, the biggest one being that he accidentally fell in love, even though they agreed to stop if one of them developed feelings. The thing is though, that if Jimmy ended it, it would be so hard for him to pull himself together and move on. That is why when he is moving to the sidelines for a timeout, he runs over to him right away, a look of indifference on his face._

_“Jimmy, can I talk to you really quick? It’s really important.” Tom is leading him away from the rest of the team, and knowing what is about to happen to him, his heart sinks to his stomach. There is a look of sadness behind his blue eyes, and it only ends up sinking his heart further down—into the pit of his own despair. He wants to listen to what Tom has to say, but at the same time, Jimmy wishes he didn’t. He is not ready to give up just yet…and even though he knows it’s for the best, he still doesn’t want it to happen._

_“I’m so sorry, Jimmy. We have to end our ‘relationship’. It was fun while it lasted, but since you’re moving, it would be hard to even stay in that ‘relationship’, considering that you’ll be on the other side of the country. Sorry to say, but, last night was the last night we will ever see each other in that way. I wish it didn’t have to end, and I wish that they didn’t trade you, but what is done is done. I will miss you, and know this—I did fall in love with you, even though we had an agreement to end it before it got to that point.” Jimmy can tell at this point that Tom is wishing that everything he just said was just a lie, but Jimmy knows that this has to happen. The truth hurts sometimes, but nothing is worse than hearing his heart shatter between his ears. He wants to scream at Tom and ask why he held back for so long._

_“Tom, I-” The coach is calling him back, and looking over to the field, the team is ready to resume the game._

_“I love you too.” He says to no one, as he watches the man who once held his heart walk away from him. There is a loud roar of the crowd as the ball is kicked, resuming the game. Yet, as Jimmy looks for him, his surroundings start to fade into nothing._

_“TOM? TOM! TOM, WHERE ARE YOU? DANNY? JULES? GUYS DON’T LEAVE ME-”_ Feeling a jolt go through his body, there is an oxygen mask on his face, and the bright lights from the ceiling are making everything hurt all over again. His eyes shut tight, and his hands go to cover his eyes from the harshness. Jimmy hears a door creak open, and then a ‘click’ of something. Opening his eyes again, the harsh light is gone, and there is a soft glow coming from somewhere by him. The doctor makes her way into his field of vision, a soft smile gracing her face. She reaches down to take off the oxygen mask, then shutting down the machine attached to it. She pulls a chair up, before sitting bedside.

            “Hi Jimmy, I’m Dr. Bash. You came in pretty rough shape. Your kidney got pretty lacerated, luckily for you, something—well someone—was putting pressure on it from the inside so you wouldn’t have major blood loss or go into shock. We found the laceration by doing an ultrasound…but we also found something else. Did you know you were carrying a baby?” A sinking feeling makes its way into his chest, and he really doesn’t know what to do. He didn’t think something like that would be even possible for him.

            “I was told as a kid that something like that would be impossible because of all of the hits I have already taken. I was told that because of the many tackles I have given and taken, it affected how-how that system worked in the first place. I—I—this is not happening. You can’t be serious, are you?” His mind is spinning with the last conversations he had with his doctor.

_“I’m so sorry, Jimmy. Unfortunately, the tackles you’ve taken during plays since you’ve been a kid have taken a toll on your system. Even though you do have the omega carrier gene, your system has been so damaged that carrying a baby to full term is a very slim possibility.” Dr. Blue’s eyes show regret in them, and yet, he understands what she means. Knowing this, he feels like there was no longer any need to take precautions, and because he was entering his rookie year, it wouldn’t matter anyway—He’d be stuck either at practice or watching film until late. There would be no time to go out and do anything. Besides, some secrets are meant to just be his alone. It’s not any-_ a warm pressure brings him back to the reality, and he hears this beeping coming from beside him. Looking over, it’s the heart rate monitor, and it’s starting to slow down as he comes back from his own thoughts.

            “Jimmy, you still with me? The heart rate spiked for a couple of minutes. Now, as I was about to say, your doctor performed the original tests wrong during your rookie year. Giving you misinformation. There was never anything wrong, and I am assuming that you weren’t in an intimate relationship?” Nodding to her, Jimmy still lies in the recovery room in disbelief at what he is being told.

            “In my first season, I really didn’t have time to do anything else but study film, practice, workout, eat and sleep. Once I started getting a hang of things, it was a lot easier to get to know everyone on the team. This last season though, I will admit, I did have a relationship, but it was broken off because I was traded.” Regretting that night that he had with Tom, he wishes he could have seen the whole thing coming to an end, but he was too blind to even see it in his eyes when Jimmy looked into Tom’s.

            “So, I am guessing it was right after the trade that you had an intimate night with the other parent?” Nodding again, He just— he just wants to run away from this. _I’m not ready to do any of this. I never thought that this is how his life would pan out._ His mouth feels dry, and even though he wants to cry and scream, he doesn't have enough energy to do so.

            “Regarding your child—she was born a little early, but not to worry, she is completely healthy. She did save your life in a way, though. When we went to repair your kidney, we had not realized how severe it could have been. She—somehow, she maneuvered her way to your kidney, and was able to lay on top of it, effectively slowing down the bleeding, and preventing you from going into full-blown shock. But, because she was on the site where we needed to work, she had to come out. When we were able to get her out, she came out screaming. She is smaller than average, due to both being born at 8 and a half months, and because of where you carried her. That also explains why you never felt her move. She must have been a very quiet one.” Dr. Bash smiles at him, and for the first time, he can start feeling the pain of whatever they did. He wants to look, but at the same time, he doesn’t. Jimmy’s not ready to see what kind of damage might have been left on his skin.

            “As for your surgery and recovery time…well, we had to go in through your stomach since your baby was blocking the placement of the laceration. We tried to make the scarring as minimal as possible, so the scar will lie against your waistband, it won’t be visible to anyone unless you want them to see. Your recovery time—because of how severe it was, we’re looking more at a time table of at least 12 weeks of recovery. We’re keeping you here for 7 days for observation and to make sure that you’re not going to have any complications. The C-section part of the surgery will require less healing time—about 6 weeks. Now, would you like to meet your child? Do you need a counselor to go over your options?” Dr. Bash is holding his hand at this point, and he just feels the flood gates open and tears begin to trail down his face. He has no idea what he would name her, but he does know, from the moment that he was told about her, that she became his.

            “I’m ready to see her. I want to see her. I’m going to take her home with me.” Absolutely sure of his decision, Dr. Bash nods before getting up and leaving the room. _What is my next step? Who should I tell? How do I even take care of a baby? Do I tell him? Should I tell him? I don’t thin-_ A squeak of wheels followed by the tapping of shoes against the floor. Looking towards the door, a young nurse smiles at him, a cart right in front of her. He can tell that there is something—someone in the cart, because of the subtle movements.

            “Hi! I’m nurse Kat, and this little one is yours. She weighed about 6lbs, and she is a little on the smaller side, but other than that, she is a healthy one! She didn’t show signs of distress either when she was first born.” Bending down into the cart, she comes back up with a blanket-wrapped bundle in her arms. Making her way towards Jimmy, she bends down to his level, placing the baby— _my baby—_ into his arms. He is too scared to look down, so he just keeps his eyes on the nurse.

            “If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to press that ‘call’ button on the remote by you. Other than that, I’ll just leave you to it!” Taking the cart with her, the insistent ‘beeping’ of the heart monitor spiking slightly before coming back down. Taking a deep breath, his eyes gaze down to his arms. The air in his lungs leaves him, and all he can see are the blurry visions of her pink hat. She is someone who he thought he would never have in his life. Her blue eyes— _His— eyes_ are looking up at Jimmy, but everything else…everything else is all him.

            “Hey there…I am so sorry that I didn’t know you were around until you were, well, here. I am so nervous for you and me to get to know each other, but I am excited too. I thought you were an impossible dream, but you are my dream come true. I am sorry that your other parent won’t care to know you, but I promise you that I will give you all of the love—more than he could ever have given you.” Tears streaming down his face, her little arms seem as if they want to stretch, but she is still wrapped up in her hospital blanket. Pulling his knees up, he tries his best to not move too much because of the surgeries. Placing her back against his blanket covered thighs, he begins to unwrap her from the blanket contraption. Figuring out that she is free, she curls into herself, her eyes closing. There is a light knock on his door before it opens, revealing Dr. Bash.

            “Hey Jimmy, I heard that you met your daughter! I am here to talk to you about how your first weeks will go after you leave here. Your first weeks will be tough, and I won’t sugar coat it, it will push you to your limit. I am going to give you a crash course in how to survive the first weeks. I am also here to talk to you about a name for your little girl. Have you decided on one?” Sitting down next to him, Jimmy begins to contemplate names while Dr. Bash begins to look at his vitals and noting thing down.

            “Eleonora Aster—that’s her name. My little starry-eyed baby.” Smiling down at Eleonora, her little arms stretch out again, a little whine leaving her mouth before a full-blown cry starts. Instinct kicks in, lifting her off his thighs and placing her against his gown covered shoulder. His hand covers her back, and her cries quiet down to whimpers and whines. Kissing her head,  he understands now what it means to have everything and nothing at the same time.

            “It looks like it is time for her scheduled feeding. A nurse will be here to show you how to do it. I think what is best right now for her though is skin to skin contact.” Dr. Bash is patting him on the shoulder while his hand still fully cover’s Eleonora’s back. One of the nurses walks in with a baby bottle in hand before handing it over to Dr. Bash and leaving.

            “Before I hand over the baby bottle to you, I want you to place Eleonora in the bend of your arm.” Gently pulling Eleonora back from his shoulder, she whines again before he settles her in the bend of his arm. Dr. Bash hands him the bottle, and for the first time, he’s scared.

            “I want you to test the temperature of the bottle. To do that, you’re going to shake a couple of drops of the milk out of the bottle and on to your wrist. If it doesn’t burn you, then it should be ok for your baby.” Doing as she says, the milk feeling warm, but not scalding against his wrist.

            “Now, you’re going to place the tip of the nipple of the bottle in her mouth, but make sure to tip the bottle back a little so she doesn’t suck in air bubbles.” Following the doctor’s directions to the letter, Eleonora begins to calm down as she drinks. Her eyes looking right into his, and even though she really can’t see him, he can tell that she feels comfortable being with him. An inexplicable feeling blooms in his chest, along with guilt and sadness. _How could I have been so stupid to not know she was there the whole time, sleeping and being under my heart. How many tackles has she taken with me? I don’t want her to be sick because of something I did—oh god, I drank a lot and—and I could have killed her. She could have died, because of me being st-_ A noise breaks him out of his thoughts, and Jimmy realized that it was a sob coming from him that derailed his thoughts.

            “It’s going to be ok. She is a very strong and very healthy baby. She fought to be here, and she even fought for you in her own way. We did all of the tests, and they showed that she might have been a little small at birth, but still, she will survive and she will blossom. Now, since she has finished with her bottle, place her against your shoulder. Usually, you do this with a towel, but we don’t have any left right now. Once you placed her against your shoulder, you’re going to pat her back very softly but firmly.” Again, following Dr. Bash’s advice, he begins to pat Eleonora’s back. He hears a hiccup and then he feels a wet spot forming against the top of his shoulder, seeping through the hospital gown.

            “It’s okay, we, fortunately, have extra gowns on hand, but before you put the new one on, I want you to try to do skin to skin contact with Eleonora. You are just going to place her against your chest and shoulder.” Taking off the gown, he looks down and—Jimmy realizes that he looks completely the same. _Thank God._ Placing Eleonora against his chest and shoulder, he feels her little arms and legs curling up against him, and all he knows is that if his heart could physically walk out of his body, this would be the moment to do it.

            “One more thing before I leave you for the night. Your scarring will fade over time, but you do have to do some light stretching of the skin so it doesn’t get tight and feels like it is pulling on the scar. Make sure that when it is mostly all healed, to put cocoa butter on the scar, it will help it fade faster.” She smiles at him again before getting up from her seat and leaving the room—leaving him truly alone with Eleonora. His eyes start to feel heavy, and as Jimmy looks over to his baby sleeping against him, he holds her ever closer, making sure that he has a firm grip on her. Placing her blanket over her before placing his hand against her back again, Jimmy feels whole for the first time.

          


	2. Tenderest Touch Leaves The Darkest Of Marks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy tells the truth to the two closest people he feels he can trust. Chapter title comes from 'Hardest Of Hearts' by Florence + The Machine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took so long to get out! I actually got caught up in writing it! Enjoy!

           Last day at the hospital, and thankfully, after he explained everything to the coach, the coach understood. He even offered to help him with getting a car seat and getting his car and a change of clothes to the hospital so he could leave. He was even so kind as to give him a 49ers onesie as a gift. He can’t believe that after this, he is all on his own. Everything will be on him. Eleonora makes a grunting-like noise, and while she looks at him, her eyes just become a little darker in their color. Her eyes went from a sky blue to more of an ocean blue. Thinking about what he is going to do now, he begins to realize that he is hilariously, and miserably unprepared to bring Eleonora home. He barely knows anyone here, apart from teammates, and all the people he knew very well are on the other side of the country.

           “Hey, are you ready? Today is the big day.” Nurse Kat smiles at him, and he just finds himself nodding along. His throat feels dry, and even though the coach is not having a press conference to explain what happened until he is ready, and he is nervous to see what awaits him when he goes through the front doors of the hospital. _Will there be a media circus? Will there be noises and people yelling, trying to figure out what happened? What am I going to do when it comes to Eleonora? What can I say?_ He knows that when he is ready, the world will know what happened.

           “I know it’s stupid, and I know that you can walk out here on your own, but it’s procedure, you have to sit in the wheelchair.” Nurse Kat is frowning at the wheelchair in front of her, and he laughs, because he doesn’t even feel physically ready to leave yet, but he knows he has to. Sitting down in the chair, a duffle bag with very minimal things (his wallet, practice pants, cleats, socks, and phone) tucked between his leg and the side of the chair. _Apparently, they took my shoulder pads and practice jersey when I passed out on the field._ The car seat, with Eleonora lying in it, wide awake, rests on his lap. He’s wishing that he didn’t have to do this alone, but knowing how _he_ is, Jimmy knows that all he has is himself and Eleonora. The nurse wheels him to a back entrance, knowing that he’s nervous about going out the front entrance, in case the media is out there. His car is parked right at the entrance, and nurse Kat talks him through buckling in the car seat. He still feels very sore, but at this point, it's manageable. Settling himself into the driver’s seat, Jimmy takes a moment to just—breathe. It has been a whirlwind, one that he’s so unprepared for. Pulling away from the curb, he looks into the rearview mirror quickly, and noticing that there is a car seat in the line of vision, he says goodbye to his old life.

 _How do I make this work? I’m already doing this alone, and I’m literally not ready. I have nothing, not even a crib to lay Eleonora down for sleep. What the hell do I think I—_ his phone begins to ring, and it ends up connecting through the speakers. For a second, fear goes through him because he doesn’t want Eleonora to wake up and cry. Looking at the caller id flashing through the radio’s screen, Danny’s name scrolls across it. Sighing to himself, he contemplates for a second before pressing the ‘accept’ button on his steering wheel.

           “Hey man! How are you doing? I heard that you got injured and went to the hospital. Are you doing ok? Do you need anything? I have a couple of friends in the area if you need something.” Danny’s voice filtering through the speakers as Jimmy turns onto his street. He feels the emotions trying to make their way up his spine. There’s an emotion lump forming in his throat, and as he parks his car on his driveway, a shudder leaves his body, the floodgates shattering and bursting through. Tears make their way down his face, and even though it’s silent, he can still tell that Danny’s on the line, listening to him basically lose all composure.

           “Danny…I’m—I’m not ok. I don’t know what I’m doing and I have to go on leave for like 12 weeks, but I should be back before the season starts, but I don’t know what is happening anymore. I feel like everything is just crashing around me and I just—I am just so alone and I am dealing with everything by myself. What should I do, Danny? I apparently was playing football while…how can I say this without making it sound not so bad? I found out that I was expecting a child while I have been playing football and did not even know it.” There’s a sound of something falling from Danny’s side of the conversation, and Jimmy is nervous, thinking that Danny just accidentally hurt himself.

           “Jimmy, are you telling me you had a baby? With who? Who’s the chick you had a baby with? Did she just tell you or did you know the whole time? Are you sure it’s yours? She’s not lying, is she? Do you even know her name? Was it someone you met at a bar and forgot you went home with her?” Tapping on the steering wheel, Jimmy stares out the windshield, trying to contemplate how he is going to explain something that he was even taken by.

           “Well, not exactly. It would be easier to explain to you if we video chatted. Hold on, I’m about to get out of my car, so let me put the call on my phone speaker.” Opening the driver’s side door after cutting off the engine and pocketing the car keys, the phone cradled between his shoulder and his ear. He opens the back door, unbuckling the car seat before closing the door and locking the car. Eleonora hasn’t stirred yet, which Jimmy takes as a good sign as he unlocks the front door of his house. Setting down the car seat on the kitchen island, he unbuckles Eleonora from the car seat before laying her in the crook of his arm.

           “Danny, let me video call you, ok? I’ll be able to explain everything that way.” Hearing Danny say his goodbye, Jimmy sits down on his couch before looking down at his phone screen, Danny’s contact information glaring back at him. Sighing, he builds up the courage before pressing the ‘video call’ button on the screen. A couple of rings come out of the phone’s speaker before Danny’s face appears on the screen.

           “Hey, what’s going on? Oh, and Julian’s here. He came down to visit me before the season starts. Was it out of nowhere? Did you know the chick? Are you doing ok at all?” Jimmy just wants to let his emotions burst through, but he doesn’t want Danny and Julian to see his pain, but there is no way he can hold back. He puts his phone on the charging stand on his coffee table, knowing that this will be such a long conversation. Letting some tears free, a sigh escapes his lips, letting the weight of feeling alone go.

           “I—no Danny, there’s no ‘chick’. It was me—I was the one expecting a baby and didn’t even know. How do I explain…I guess let me just start at the beginning? I found out that I had this thing called the ‘omega carrier’ gene—which, from what I was told, would make it possible for me to carry a baby within my body. But I was told that because I’ve been tackled so much, that—that part of me ended up being damaged and that I wouldn’t be able to have a baby…but from what the doctor told me this week, that test was wrong. I went to the hospital originally because I ended up having my kidney lacerated, and the doctors had to go in and do emergency surgery, but they also found this one, laying on top of my kidney, trying her best to slow down the bleeding. I didn’t even know about her—I just think about all of the things that could have gone wrong. I was practicing and getting tackled this whole time. She was just so quiet that I didn’t feel her, and I didn’t even know she was there. I—I went out a lot and partied, but she was there for all of that. Yet, somehow, someway, she was born healthy.” Holding up Eleonora, Danny and Julian’s jaws dropped while Jimmy is smiling at them. Eleonora chooses that moment to wake up, a little whine comes out as she stretches in Jimmy’s arms. He lifts her and places her against his chest, and she curls into herself. Jimmy looks down and smiles at her before kissing Eleonora on her head, her hands curled into his shirt. He feels something on his face and he realizes, as his fingers touch his face, that he is crying in front of both Danny and Julian, but they are still so silent.

           “Jules, Danny—I don’t know what to do. I’m all alone in this right now. I barely even know my teammates, and the only people who know other than you guys is the doctor and my coach. I know that if I tell you who the other parent is—you guys will hate me. Just—just let me talk to him first and tell him. I’ll tell you after I tell him, but just know, if you do end up hating me, I totally understand.” Wiping the tears off his face, even though they just kept falling, Eleonora is just content being near Jimmy.

           “Jimmy, would it be okay if Danny and I came down to visit you for a week? You know, help you out with shopping, and you wouldn’t have to feel alone. I think we can catch a flight today…maybe we’ll see you around 5 pm? If you’re okay with that?” Jimmy nods at that idea and even smiles at it before they say their goodbyes. _Where is this one going to sleep tonight—I could try my bed. She’s too young to move…right? And besides, I want to have her as close to me as possible, because Danny and Julian are going to be staying here._ Sighing to himself again, he goes into his contacts list and scrolls down all the way to _his_ name. Taking in some deep breaths, he presses the ‘call’ button, the phone ringing a couple of times before a voice that recognizes all so well chimes in.

           “Hey, Jimmy! How are you? I heard about the whole training camp thing? Are you feeling ok?” The questions just kept coming but all Jimmy can do is focus on the task at hand. Finding the courage within himself and taking the strength that Eleonora has given him, he finds his resolve and decides that it is better to just come out with it right away. _Being honest and blunt is better than just trying to cover up for something so beautiful and life-changing._

           “Tom…there’s something we really need to talk about, and I am just going to say it. I had a baby—your baby, Tom. You’re probably thinking that it’s impossible considering that part of me was supposed to be damaged, but the doctors were wrong. When my kidney got lacerated, they found her, in her own way, saving my life. If it wasn’t for her, I could have gone into shock. I just wanted you to know that she is yours—you were the only person I’ve ever let get that close to me, and if you chose to not be part of her life, it doesn’t matter, but I just wanted you to know.” Rubbing Eleonora’s back as she falls back asleep, Jimmy holds her closer to himself, as if he is trying to shield her from what her other parent is going to say. He has already accepted the fact that, if he knows Tom, and how he functions, that he will be very disinterested in helping Jimmy out in any way.

           “You’re right James. I can’t be a father again, and besides, you’re on the other side of the country. Yes, it wasn’t my decision to have you traded, but still, you do realize that a relationship wouldn’t have worked out, much less trying to raise a kid. I also have a wife and three kids that I am still raising with my wife, James. You—you were just some fleeting moment in time, which I will admit was fun, but I knew that what we were getting into—that wouldn’t last long. Even though we had feelings towards each other, they were also fleeting, and in the end, mean nothing. I am more in love with my wife than I ever was with you, so do me a favor and never mention my name to the media when it comes to your daughter. I will have nothing to do with her. She will just get in the way and make things more complicated on a relationship that I have worked so hard to salvage. I have a couple of years left in me before I throw it in, and I don’t want your daughter getting in the way of that—or my happiness. This will be the last conversation we will ever have off the field, James. Never call me again. Goodbye.” The line goes dead, and Jimmy feels as if his soul has been taken from him, and his heart shattering in his ribs. A sob shakes him, and as he feels Eleonora move a little, he realizes that he may have lost Tom, but he gained Eleonora, and friends who are willing to help him. Taking himself and Eleonora to his room, Jimmy lies down on his bed, the baby on his chest. Her weight a welcomed reminder of who he is going to live his life for now. Closing his eyes, he sees Danny and Julian waiting for him.

_“Hey, where have you been? We’ve been calling for you. We have to go; the bus is about to leave.” Danny’s arm wraps around Jimmy’s shoulder while Julian helps Jimmy carry one of his bags. Looking down, he realizes that he is also holding a car seat…but it’s empty._

_“WAIT! Where’s my daughter? I-I can’t leave without her. Tell coach that I’ll just find my way back.” Danny and Julian look at him as if he were imagining things. They laugh and brush his concerns to the side._

_“You don’t remember? You gave her up for adoption. It was the only way that the pats were going to accept a trade from the 49ers—it was the only way Tom would accept you coming back at all to the team. You’re looking at your duffle bag as if it were something that she would have been in.” Jimmy’s heart sinks into his stomach, and panic starts to set in. There is no way that he would have given up that easily, and if that did happen, he should have fought harder. A feeling of guilt shrouds him, weighing him down._

_“And you let me do that to my baby? You—YOU LET ME CHOOSE A TEAM OVER MY OWN CHILD—SOMEONE WHO HAS SHOWN ME HOW AMAZING LIFE CAN REALLY BE. YOU LET ME CHOOSE TOM, THE GUY WHO SAID HE WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH MY SWEET GIRL, OVER THE ONE PERSON WHO SLEPT AND LIVED UNDER MY BEATING HEART? WHOSE DECISION WAS THIS? WHO SAID THAT THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONLY WAY TO LET ME BACK INTO THE TEAM?” He’s screaming now, the sound reverberating through the halls in the dead silence of the stadium. Rob is running down the hall then, trying to see what all of the yelling is about._

_“SO, YOU MEAN TO TELL ME, THAT ALL OF YOU STOOD BY AND WATCH THIS HAPPEN? THAT YOU LET THEM DO THIS. THAT YOU LET THEM PRACTICALLY FORCE ME INTO GETTING SEPARATED FROM MY OWN CHILD—A NEWBORN! SHE NEEDS ME! I AM THE ONLY CONSTANT IN HER LIFE RIGHT NOW! WHERE DID SHE GO!” Getting in Danny’s face, Jimmy is being held back by Rob, who wrapped his arms around Jimmy’s chest. Danny begins to laugh, along with Julian and Rob. Rage begins to scratch at the surface of Jimmy’s skin, and he would love to lunge at Danny, but Rob is holding him tightly._

_“Jimmy, you signed the contract, with that compromise in place. It was your idea in the first place. You told the coach that you didn’t want to raise Eleonora anymore and that it would be better if he found her a family to go to. He agreed and even said that we would trade for you to have you back on the team.” Julian chimes in, and all Jimmy can do is scream in rage. He doesn’t believe a word that Julian or Danny are saying to him. He knows, deep down, that he would have never given up that easily._

_“I would have never gi-”_ The sound of the doorbell rouses Jimmy from his sleep, but the sound also woke Eleonora, who begins to scream in protest. Holding her close to his chest, Jimmy places her ear over his heart, calming her screams into small whimpers. Looking at the time, he realizes that it is very close to Eleonora’s eating time. Making his way to the door, he takes a deep breath before unlocking the door. Danny and Julian are standing on the other side, and a quick bolt of rage goes through him, before quashing it, realizing that he was dreaming before the doorbell rang. Danny leans in first, wrapping his arms around Jimmy in a firm hug, followed by Julian before they both enter his house. Sitting on the couch, Danny and Julian are looking at him with a look of sorrow and pity.

           “I told the other person—I told Tom, and he doesn’t want anything to do with me or with her. I don’t care if he doesn’t want to see me anymore, that’s fine. But for him to tell me, over the phone, that he thinks that she would get in the way of his career and his life is ridiculous. He’s the one who chose to have a relationship with me. He’s the one who chose to hurt his wife, and he’s the one who chose not to use precautions that one night. She has nothing to do with what he is going to do with his life. I can totally understand if you guys want nothing to do with me or Eleonora too.” Breaking down again in front of both Danny and Julian, Jimmy’s eyes avert their gazes. He doesn’t want them to feel bad for him, because he knew that what happened could have been a possibility, and he had been prepared for that all along. Eleonora chooses that moment to make herself known, letting out a loud wail. Wiping away at his tears, Jimmy makes himself get up, Eleonora in his arms, to make his way to the kitchen to prepare a bottle. He doesn’t realize that Danny and Julian followed him, and they end up just observing him from a distance as they lean against one of the counters.

           “What an asshole. We could never hate you, Jimmy, and we are definitely not leaving you on your own. After everything you’ve done for us—from protecting Julian and I’s relationship from the media, to standing right by us when we announced it. Tom doesn’t deserve you, and you don’t need him. Eleonora doesn’t need him, and he doesn’t deserve her either. It’s sad that he’s picked his career over his own child. Don’t worry though, this little girl will not lack in love at all—she’ll have a great dad who loves her, and uncles who will love her too. It’s going to be tough, but I promise you, Jimmy, that it will be okay in the end.” As Jimmy feeds Eleonora in his arms, Danny hugs him from the side, followed by Julian. Even though Tom will miss out, it doesn’t mean that Jimmy can’t share her with his friends who are willing to love and adore her as much as he does.


	3. While You’ve Been Saving Your Neck, I’ve Been Breaking Mine For Ya'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy gets accidentally found out. Song title comes from 'Make Up Your Mind' by Florence + The Machine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry everyone that this one is a little shorter than the others...I just haven't been feeling that good this week with my allergies and such...anyway, enjoy!

            “My sweet little girl, what’s wrong? You’ve been crying all night.” Fearing that Eleonora would hurt herself by crying until her vocal chords are injured, Jimmy is trying his best to calm her down. Picking her up from the bassinet next to his bed, she calms right away, her cries slowing down. He holds her close, her ear over his heart, a familiar sound for her. He smiles to himself, and even though his room is shrouded in darkness, the light of the moon filters through the blinds, a soft glow spreading on the other side of his bed. Pacing back and forth with her in his arms, Jimmy knows that soon, he will have to return to his team, and start the pre-season. He is excited but nervous-excited because it is a new season, but nervous because he did not want to leave his baby with someone who wasn’t him. He feels—no, he knows that he’s not ready to be separated from his baby, even for a couple of hours.

            Looking at the screen of his phone, Jimmy squints before his eyes adjust to the bright light of the phone. 3:30 the screen shows as he unlocks it. Going to the only app that can take up some time, he begins to scroll through his feed. He feels something—maybe jealousy that claws right under his skin. He knows that he has no reason to feel this way, but at the same time, seeing his teammates having fun on vacations while he is stuck hiding from everyone is not fair. In all of the time that he was in the hospital, two teammates reached out to him, while the rest didn’t even try. He even goes on _He who doesn’t give a shit_ ’s profile—all he sees is red. He’s out there, having an amazing summer, taking pictures everywhere. _He’s_ even posted pictures of _his relationship_. _So, he’s out there, having a good time, while he left me alone and heartbroken. Never mind that he tossed my heart aside, but he also tore it right out of my chest with the way he acted about Eleonora. He’s heartless, and it’s painful to think that she’s going to miss out on having him around, considering that he looks like he moved on with his life. He only cares about himself in the end, and what’s best for him, instead of thinking about the people he hurts along the way. Who knows who else—_ Eleonora begins to move against his chest, whines of displeasure leaving her. Jimmy pulls her away from his chest, supporting her head and neck with one hand while supporting her butt with the other. Sitting up against the headboard of his bed, he places her against his thighs. Even though his scar is almost done healing, Jimmy is still careful about putting too much pressure on it. He still thinks back to 4 weeks ago, when the doctor told him the news. It’s incredible that he went from just being all about himself, to now, having to be all about Eleonora. He’s also realized that even if the other parent doesn’t want to be involved, he will always have a support system.

            _“Wait, are you sure that’s how it’s done? I mean, I’m kind of scared that I’m going to break her.” Jimmy’s hands are shaking as Julian shows him how to change a diaper. Julian just laughs as he hands the diaper to Jimmy, encouraging him to try._

_“I know, it looks pretty crazy, but you’ll get the hang of it. I had to learn very fast when my kid was born. Don’t worry, she’s pretty calm already, so she shouldn’t give you that much trouble with it.” Smiling at him, Julian steps back a little, so that he can observe Jimmy try to replicate what he was just shown. Jimmy’s daughter stares up at him, her fists by her cheeks. She looks displeased with what is happening, but she is not going to give him trouble. Trying his best to make this as painless and as quick as possible, he gets the concept of the diaper right way. A hand grasps at his shoulder, turning to see that it’s Julian who is now standing next to him. Julian smiles at Jimmy, silently congratulating him on picking up a new skill._

_“Hey, guys, I’m back. The girl who did the shopping for me was able to meet with me halfway. Don’t worry, I had a couple of other friends in the area spy for me, to make sure there wasn’t anyone who could tip off the paparazzi.” Danny’s carrying several bags in each hand, taking them to the newly created nursery. Jimmy feels this overwhelming emotion of guilt, sadness, joy, and admiration. Guilt, because he wasn’t prepared, sadness because it should have been himself and the other dad, joy because his friends are here, and they aren’t leaving him until he’s comfortable, and admiration for said friends, because they chose to share their time with him. Letting the pressure behind his eyes flow free, tears stream down his face. Holding his daughter close, Jimmy follows Danny and Julian to the new nursery. He feels less scared, knowing that he went from having nothing for Eleonora to having everything and more. He could have had to do all of this alone, but his friends chose to fly down last minute to help._

_“I just—I am just so thankful that you guys flew down to help me. I had no idea how I was going to get anything. I have no clue on how to put anything together—let alone a whole nursery. You guys went way above and beyond what friends usually do. I couldn’t have asked for more.” Wanting to cry again, Jimmy takes in a couple of deep breaths, holding back more tears that want to fall. Danny and Julian wrap their arms around him, and without words, he knows that he’ll be ok._

_“We would never let you do this alone, especially when this little one is a complete surprise. Like we’ve said, you’ve been there for Danny and me, and we wanted to do the same thing for you. This little one will not miss out a moment, and she will never know a moment without love.” Julian smiles at him, and Jimmy’s heart just feels like he could float on air. He knows that—_ A movement from his lap brings him back to reality, and Eleonora is looking up at him. She looks like she wants to sleep, but not without him near her. Smiling down at her, he places her ear against his chest, knowing that the beat of his heart is her regular lullaby. Taking in her scent, Jimmy’s heart is filled with serenity. A rosy odor permeates from her hair. His lips press lightly against her head, and his eyes begin to close. A wave of calm takes him over, and while he feels her lungs rise and fall within her chest, he leaves her on his chest, wanting to have her near him at all times.

_The room is only lit by the moonlight that filters through the window, from the spaces between the blinds. A light breeze permeates the room from the open window on a cool night. His hand reaches out blindly, to only feel someone else’s body next to him. Turning his head to look, he sees that it’s Tom lying right next to him—in the same bed. There is a small whine coming from somewhere in the room, so he quietly makes his way to where the noise is._

_In a dark corner of the room, a bassinet stands, holding whatever is making the noise within. Looking down into the bassinet, he notices it that it’s empty—but the whining keeps coming from it. He’s trying to find the source of the noise now, knowing that it’s not his daughter in there. Someone’s arm wraps around him, pulling him close to their chest._

_“Jimmy, baby, what are you doing up?” Tom’s lips are right by Jimmy’s ear, pressing softly against the shell of his ear. Sighing to himself, Jimmy wants to ask where the whining is coming from, but at the same time, he doesn’t want to seem like he’s lost his mind._

_“Hey, babe, where is that whining coming from?” Turning his head to look at Tom, Jimmy still hears the noises, but Tom gives him this look of ‘what the hell are you talking about’._

_“What noise? I’m not hearing anything—and why are you staring at the corner of the room? Are you ok?” Looking down again, there is just empty air where the bassinet once stood. Jimmy can’t believe what he is seeing—one moment, he’s looking down into an empty bassinet, and then the next, it’s gone, just like that._

_“I swear it was right here! The bassinet was right here—where Eleonora should have been? Where did she go?” Locking eyes with Tom, he knows that there is something not right by the sinking feeling Tom’s eye contact gives him. He doesn’t want to believe what it could possibly mean, but at the same time, it could be a possibility._

_“No…what happened? Where is she? TOM! WHERE IS SHE?” He can’t look Jimmy in the eyes, and it feels like the floor just fell right from under Jimmy’s feet. He knows what that means—when Tom can’t look at him. He knows that Tom went and did something behind his back—something, that this time, he can’t forgive._

_“NO! YOU DIDN’T! NO! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE? WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER, TOM! TELL ME RIGHT NOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!” Tears are flowing down his face, and he begins to feel this emptiness within his chest—a hole where his heart used to be, begins to spread. He feels as though his lungs can’t get enough air into them, and it’s not fair that he has to possibly deal with being separated from his own flesh and blood—one that he would burn the world down for. Tom’s hands find themselves on Jimmy’s hips, holding him in place. Jimmy knows that there is about to be some sort of confession falling out of Tom’s lips, and he doesn’t want to know…but he has to._

_“I’m so sorry Jimmy—she didn’t make it out of the hospital. She was born too soon—and we almost lost you in the process.” Tears are streaming down Tom’s face, breaking Jimmy down even more. A feeling of hopelessness weighs heavy in the atmosphere of the room. Everything he knows feels dirty and wrong. He knows that he shouldn’t go on living life if it means not having her with him. Looking towards the window, he knows that the shared room is right above the parking pad and that if he were to fall out of the window, he could end his pain right then and there. He doesn’t want to deal with the sudden loss of joy, so without responding, he makes his way to the window._

_“I’m just—I’m just going to get some fresh air.” Jimmy lies right through his teeth as he opens the French-style window. Sitting on the window sill, he looks down, and even though he feels as though he should be more afraid than what he is, he has already accepted what is about to happen next._

_“I’m sorry Tom. I love you, but I loved and knew her more.” Taking one final gasp of air, he pushes himself forward, and as he gets ever close to—_ the ring of the doorbell, followed by the cries of Eleonora on his chest stir him from his nap. Looking at the screen on his phone, he realizes that he’s slept well into the late morning. The doorbell rings again, and holding his baby close, he plants both feet on the floor before making his way to the door. Not thinking much of it, he opens the door—only to be greeted with the face of the newest signee of the team. _OH SHIT!_

            “Hey…Jimmy. I was just coming to check up on you? The team is worried…you haven’t posted to social media in a while.” Too shocked to even utter a word, Jimmy just steps aside to let the rookie in.


	4. Grab Me By My Ankles, I've Been Flying For Too Long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy has a meeting with two of his teammates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the final chapter of this story! This took longer than I expected, and it ended completely different than what I had planned. The chapter title comes from 'Sky Full Of Song' by Florence & The Machine.

            “I’ve…um, been busy these past few weeks…and I’ve been trying to think and cope with how I would even tell the team in the first place? I mean, there was another massive reason why I stayed in the hospital for a whole week. Obviously, you see her—in my arms.” Sitting down on one of the couches, Jimmy slowly pulls Eleonora away from his chest, placing her back on his lap. The new rookie, who Jimmy can’t remember the name of, just kind of looks at him—with a look of what seems like sympathy. _I just hope he doesn’t go back to tell anyone on the team about this._

            “So…how are you doing? Do you need anything? Did—did the girl just leave her with you? Did she hand over full custody? Because, honestly, I don’t understand how someone could do that. I mean, I don’t want to pry so just stop me if I’m getting somewhere that’s not okay to talk about.” The poor rookie is dancing around asking Jimmy about how he ended up with a baby…as if it was just him who went into this by himself. _I know he’s trying to think his way around this…trying to rationalize it…but at the same time, as far as everyone knew, I didn’t really hang around anyone. I was just trying to get my life together out here. Trying to adjust to a whole new city and a whole new life—a new team._ He begins to pace back and forth, while barely paying any attention to the rookie. Taking a deep breath, Jimmy makes eye contact with the rookie.

            “Mike…it’s Mike, right? You cannot tell anyone about what we are about to talk about. It’s been a hard couple of weeks for me, and I’ve been trying to adjust with everything.” Sighing to himself, Jimmy sits back down, the rookie never leaving his spot in the first place. Once he begins to speak, and the rookie begins to listen, Jimmy’s voice can’t stop. He keeps talking and talking until he feels as though the weight of his own guilt and sadness ease up. He even talks until he feels like there is some semblance of calm running through his veins—the first time he’s ever felt this since becoming a single parent.

            “Ok…this is a lot to take in, but I totally understand and respect you. I will make sure not to say anything until you’re comfortable with saying something first. I know Joe wants to know where you’ve been the last 3 weeks. He’s starting to get really worried about you, you know. He is close to thinking that something horrible happened.” A small chuckle makes its way into the atmosphere of the living room, and all Jimmy can imagine is Joe running around, flipping tables trying to find him.

            “No, it’s not that at all—obviously. It’s just that I’ve been wanting to spend some time to myself with my daughter. Trying to catch up—or even have a crash course in parenting. Figuring out what each of her cries or whines mean—and even healing from the surgeries I had to go through. I’ve been feeling alone too, and that’s what made all of this a little worse for me. I see the different teammates’ feeds and I wish I could have that too—or that I could still do half the things that they are doing, but I know that my life has changed overnight. I wouldn’t change it though, because out of the storm I withstood, I got Eleonora out of it, and she means more to me than anything else in the world. If you were to tell me that I had to pick my daughter or my career—I would pick her first.” He’s been thinking about this for a long time…not retirement, per say, but more of how he is going to balance his new life. He knows that he will have to keep up appearances for at least another season, but at the same time, he doesn’t want to hide his daughter from the world. Jimmy wants to be able to post pictures of her on his feed and be able to talk about her in post-game interviews. He even wants to be able to go out with her in her stroller, just taking a walk without having to feel like he has to pretend that she’s not his.

            “I get that, but we are just so worried about you. You usually text Joe or someone else on the team, but it’s been silence from you for a month. Joe actually asked me to check in on you, he said it was part of my ‘rookie duties’. Knowing that you’re okay, I would say maybe send Joe a text to let him know, and even tell the coach if you haven’t told him already.” Nodding to what Mike is saying, Jimmy, considers sending a text to Joe to let him know that he is okay. _I don’t know how I am going to even consider introducing her to the whole team—how will they react? At least Mike is fine with it, especially after I explained to him what happened._ Taking out his phone from his back pocket, he scrolls through the contacts until finding his teammate’s name. Sending out a quick text to him, Jimmy knows that he has to figure out a way to tell his team—and fast.

            “How would you feel about maybe you and Joe helping me out when I show up for practice right before the first pre-season game? I’m kind of nervous saying anything to the team right now because I know they haven’t heard from me since I went to the hospital. The only person who really knows what happened, other than you, is the coach. I had to ask him to bring my car to the hospital the day I was getting out—and I had to tell him everything that happened when I went into the hospital. Trust me, I have been slowly getting used to the idea of being a parent—a single one at that. I am scared of just being alone when I tell the whole team about what happened that day, and honestly, I think I am more afraid of how the team will see me after I tell them.” Trying his best to keep it together, when in reality he wants to curl up in a ball and cry his eyes out for the next week. He doesn’t even want to think about how his team will see him after everything comes out. Will the team reject him as their quarterback? Will the friendships he made in the team fade away because people will push themselves away from him?

            “Jimmy…hello? You there? It’s going to be okay. I’m pretty sure that the team will not think of you any less, and will probably see you as stronger than you were last season. I am also pretty sure that the team can’t afford to reject you as their quarterback. You are literally what has restored hope back into this team. I’m pretty sure because you became a single parent, doesn’t mean that you’ll be rejected by the team. I am also sure that no one will push themselves away from you, Jimmy. Just take a couple of deep breaths. I know for a fact that you’ll have me standing by you if you need it, and Joe wouldn’t hesitate to help you too. Just trust us. I also think that you’re underestimating the guys. Pretty sure that at least half of them are going to lose their minds when you bring your baby with you to meet the team. Anyway, I gotta get back to do more ‘rookie duties’.” Mike smiles at Jimmy, and for the first time, Jimmy feels as though Mike is right in that he is underestimating the team as a whole. Feeling a sense of calm because of Mike, Jimmy wants to talk to Joe but at the same time, he doesn’t know how he could get him to come over so he could explain everything.

            “I’m going to text Joe and ask him to come over so I can talk to him. Hey, thanks again for coming over…even if I wasn’t expecting it. Also, thanks for listening to me just—rant I guess. It’s been weighing heavy on me for a month. Tell the guys, whoever is trying to give you these ‘rookie duties’, that I know about it, and to go easy on you or they will have to answer to me when we start preseason practice.” Nodding at Mike as he walks him to the door, Jimmy knows that he has to tell Joe sooner than later. Seeing Mike get into his car before leaving his driveway, Jimmy closes the door, before leaning against it, remembering that he is still holding Eleonora in his arms…who has been very quiet. Looking down, he realizes that she has been looking up at him, curling in ever so close to his clothed chest.

            “Well, guess the team is going to find out about you sooner than later. At least we have one guy on our side, huh? If they don’t like it, well tough, because I guess that means that I go. No one will ever take you away from me.” Kissing the top of her head, Jimmy feels that even if the worst-case scenario would happen, that he already made up his mind. Even if the 49ers were to just wave him at the end of the day, because of his circumstances, he wouldn’t care. He knows who he has to work for and who he has to please at the end of the day. He also knows who has his back and would support him through the good and bad. Pacing back and forth, he begins to hum to himself, while he’s looking down at his phone and holding Eleonora at the same time. _Well, here goes nothing._ Pressing on the ‘call’ button next to the name, he waits patiently until someone picks up on the other end.

            “Hey man! I’ve been worried about you. I haven’t heard or seen anything from you in weeks. Did Mike see you?” Sighing to himself, he knows that Joe means well but he doesn’t necessarily want to answer questions about the other who— _parent…if he can even be called that._ —is. He doesn’t want to re-open wounds that just began to fully close. Emotional wounds _he_ left the day Jimmy told him about their daughter.

            “Yeah, um, he did…he just left, actually. I was wondering if you wanted to come over? I have some things that I need to talk to you about, and it would just be easier to talk about face to face.” Wanting to just curl away and hide, he knows that he is going to be sitting down with the veteran of the team. It’s the conversation that he knows he has to have but just wants to avoid it at all cost.

            “Yeah, just give me five minutes and I’ll be right over.” Nodding to himself, he says his goodbyes to Joe, hanging up the phone at the same time a sigh is escaping from his body. _This is going to suck. I mean, I don’t even know how I got through with Mike in the first place, but now…ha! This is going to even go worse. This conversation can decide what is going to happen next with me and the team. I know at least that the coach is somewhat supportive, but again, I can’t really be sure about the rest of the team. Joe sets the tone of the locker room, and if he ends up just hating and outcasting me, it’s going to leak into the locker room—it’s make or-_ The doorbell rings again, leading to Eleonora waking up and shrieking in annoyance before going into a full-blown cry. Opening the door, Joe’s face shows the confusion in his mind. Waving him quickly, Jimmy quickly checks for anyone who might have seen before closing the door. Still trying to calm down Eleonora in his arms, he begins to pace back and forth in front of Joe, who is just sitting, an amused and bewildered look on his face.

            “So…this is what I wanted to talk to you about. It’s a really long story and I’m just—I’m going to tell you the whole thing, but just hold your questions to the end. That’s all I ask.” Sighing to himself, Eleonora begins to quiet down as he begins to tell the story of what really happened. By the end, Joe is just speechless, and a feeling of dread takes over Jimmy’s body. He doesn’t know what to do, and all of the options that he has—they aren’t healthy for him at this moment. Mulling it over, Jimmy can see that Joe is really taking in everything that he just said to him, and maybe even be thinking of a plan to help Jimmy.

            “So, he just—he just rejected you over the phone like that? And even rejected her, without seeing her? He’s a cold-hearted bastard. If we face him on the field, you best believe my fist will end up in his face mask. I am pretty sure that I’ll have a ton of backup from the team, and so will you. I can tell that you’re worried about what the guys are going to think, but I think you’ll be fine. Have you seen half of them around a kid? Jeez, they turn into little kids themselves. Just don’t worry about it. I know we’re having a pre-season team meeting tomorrow morning, maybe you just bring her with you? I think she’ll help you make your case. Trust me, everyone will be supportive.” Joes smiles at Jimmy and Jimmy feels like the pieces are beginning to fall into place—he no longer is scrambling for the pieces that he thinks should fit together but can’t. Having this long conversation, Jimmy knows that even if the worst-case scenario would happen, he has protection and support. He knows that he wouldn’t be forced to leave. Feeling a sigh of relief leave his body, he feels as though he melted right into the couch he is sitting on.

            “It’ll be okay, just know that. I have to go; the coach wants to talk to me about the meeting tomorrow. Just—bring her with you.” Joe is letting himself out of Jimmy’s house, and as he is leaving, the snake of anxiety makes its way up his spine. At this point, he is just too tired to even be emotionally alert. He just decides to spend the rest of the day with Eleonora, just lounging around and looking through his social media. By the time that night rolls around, Jimmy has binged watched at least 3 shows, and his phone is dying because of him constantly checking his social media. Deciding that he would just rather lay down and sleep than think any more about what’s going to happen at the meeting, he takes Eleonora with him to the bathroom, before preparing her for her night bath and feeding. As he begins to ready her for the bath, Eleonora begins to whine.

            “I know sweetheart, I know. This isn’t fun, but it will be okay once you’re in the water.” Trying his best to comfort her as he lays her down in the shallow tub, she looks at him with a displeased look but no longer crying. As he bathes Eleonora, he thinks about this morning, and how by tomorrow morning, everything will change again. Getting her into a fresh diaper and pajamas, he takes the pre-made bottle to Eleonora. Sitting up against the headboard of his bed, his eyes gaze down at the person who turned his life sideways, but yet, captured his heart in their first meeting. He sees her as the ruler of his world, and that everything he does now, is for her. He no longer cares about what his teammates are doing—or what _he—_ is doing in the offseason. She is teaching him about the here and now…about taking in every little moment that he can before it’s gone.

            In the month since she was born, he’s noticed the subtle changes—like her eyes going from a light shade of blue to a deep, rich blue. He sees how her hair started to grow and thicken, and even how she reacts to every little movement when he is holding her. He sees that she is already attached to him—like he is to her. He doesn’t think that if he had a chance to do the last year over, that he would even change a thing. He now knows that happiness isn’t in rings and trophies, but in who makes the little moments count the most.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment if you like, just don't be rude about it.


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